Diary of Whatever

I got the job. After some debating with myself and friends, I decided to be excited about it. It's an internship, so my lifestyle will have to change in more ways than just financially, but I can adapt. I could get a job that pays better now, something I probably won't enjoy, and quit it in a few weeks. Whereas if I take this one, in six months I will be able to do something I actually enjoy! Wow, can you imagine actually loving your job and wanting to get out of bed in the morning?! I'm quite excited and looking forward to it. Really. At least I think I am, or would like to be, rather. Hmm. Oh God, I hope I win the lottery tomorrow.

I went out with the girls last night and we talked about the new beginnings in our lives over some cherry juice (I am off the booze for a while). It's really interesting to see four completely different lives, with one thing in common: we all moved to Berlin to pursue happier and more fulfilling lives, i.e. we were bored to death of our towns. Inevitably when you have four women in a bar, you have to decide which character of Sex and the City you are most like. "Charlotte", they uttered in unison as they looked at me. It's interesting to see people's perspectives of you. As much as I try to hide and shove it to the back of my mind, I think I am Charlotte.

In other news, my cousin has decided to get engaged. This brings the total wedding count for 2010 to about eight. Joy joy joy. We were flower girls at our mums' cousin's wedding when we were about four, and we lost the rings. It was hilarious. I've promised that if she lets me be a flower girl at her wedding, I won't lose them this time.

Anyway, must tune my guitar and practice some songs to play for the kiddies today. The kids I've worked with this week have been fantastic. It's been one of the best weeks of my life - so enjoyable and rewarding.

Love,

Mon xx

Today I woke up and felt like a different woman - a woman who lives within me, but only manifests herself when the time is right, when her presence is deemed necessary as a consequence of recent events.

A woman who, upon waking in a city she still feels somewhat lost in, thinks "I could be anywhere and I'd still rock the place" instead of "Fuck, I live in Berlin". A woman who finds strength when it seems that there is none left. A woman who accomplishes more in a week than she normally would in months, due to her heightened sense of awareness, which leads to even more motivation and determination than usual. A woman who is willing to forgive but not forget, which sadly is the key to moving on. A woman who recharges her batteries over tea and a chat with friends, rather than ten beers and a spliff. A woman who looks in the mirror and thinks "Damn, I am hot" rather than "Maybe I should cut out the cake" - in fact, a woman who wants her cake and eats it too. A woman who thinks "Nothing can nor will destroy me" and believes it; a woman who is fearless.

And the best part is that she's me. It doesn't feel good when you realise that you have to buckle up and brace yourself for the shitstorm that's coming, but I'm a pretty great fighter. I have a lot of (very precocious) experience (which I love and hate in equal measure) and I'm willing to take on more. It'll just make me an even stronger person.

So if you're feeling a bit low, find your balls and use them. You can do it. I believe in you. You'll be just fine.

Love,

Mon xx

Just some things I feel like I should say:

1. Read my friend's advice. It's very good.

2. I am getting louder and louder at screaming at my neighbours, who have sex every Sunday morning and make noises that can only be described as inhuman, nauseating and French.

3. Going for a run and practicing pole dancing at 7am is somewhat wrong - and disturbing - yet feels so satisfying.

4. How am I going to get tickets to see 30 Seconds to Mars at the end of the month if they're sold out? I need to meet Jared again and more importanly, need to get him to sign my arm again.

5. When doing research, if you ask people who played major roles in your life to write something about you and they all begin the reply with 'Wow', what does that mean?!

6. And what could George Bernard Shaw see when he said "You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'"? Could it be that he was actually crazy and he wasn't talking about his dreams or inventions, and everything I stand for is bollocks?

7. Thank God the airport police confiscated my hairdressing pair of scissors, and that the scissors I took from the kindergarten are blunt, therefore can't cut my own fringe.

8. I really want to cut my fringe.

9. Can you judge someone by their Facebook profile? You're supposed to describe yourself, but the groups you join can say a lot more about you. Here are mine, for example:

- I Really Should Think Before I Speak
- Those who APPARENTLY talk in their sleep
- I LOVE CHEESE
- I am not a Lesbian but I'm in love with Zooey Deschanel
- Helen's going to jump out of a plane!
- Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations About Love
- I LOVE PARIS ♥
- Melt in the middle chocolate pudding appreciation society
- You Haven't Tasted Chocolate Milk Until You've Tasted Chocomel
- Betty Crocker is my drug dealer
- The Oliver Myles Appreciation Society
- When I was your age, Pluto was a planet
- Kids Who Hid In Dep't Store Clothing Racks While their Mom Was Shopping
- I can name every Jelly Belly flavor
- I eat Nutella straight out of the jar
- Abusive Coffee Drinkers Anonymous
- Jelly Beans are the Sixth Food Group
- I have a star tattoo
- Just Say No!
- The Crepe Appreciation Society
- I'm Not Short I'm Petite
- Bridget Jones Support Group
- Anti War, Pro Puppies
- Peanut butter and jam appreciation society
- My name is Monica!!!
- Liverpool Marketing Elite
- Ben and Jerry's isn't just an ice cream but a religion
- Tyskie
- Randomely laughing because you remembered something funny
- Laughing When You Shouldn't
- Pineapples do not belong on pizzas
- Hate Being Told What To Do
- Pretending to Text in Awkward Situations
- I still laugh when everyone else is over it
- World Nutella Day

10. Do not sing Barbie Girl to your man. He might leave, taking you with him, dragging you out of the room naked and accidentally chafing your knee on the wall. This is impossible to remember when you're having a shower, and you'll keep rubbing it with the body puff, thus never allowing it to dry up and stop stinging.

Have a great Sunday.

Love,

Mon xx

I am sooooo embarrassed about last night. Here's why:

16:30: Post-meeting drinks. Two glasses of cosy Glühwein.

18:00: Meeting friend. Don't have much time to have a drink as we need to be somewhere at 19:00. Order a carafe anyway and drink two glasses of red wine in half an hour.

19:30: Fancy another drink. Have to be somewhere at 20:00. They don't have carafes and a bottle is cheaper than two glasses (I think. Even if it isn't, surely it's better value for money) so we order one. Drink two and a half glasses of wine in half an hour.

20:30: Call Stephen to see if he fancies a snog cos I'm walking past his house. Get to his place, go straight to the bathroom to be sick. Accidentally puke on his toilet mat. "Mon, are you puking?" "No..." I was. Decide to go home straight away, without a kiss. (Or did I inflict one upon you?)

21:00: Call friend to tell her I'm drunk and walking home, and that I love her. She tells me she's drunk on the ubhan, on the way to meet her friend at the airport.

21:15: Get home, head straight to the bathroom.

21:30: Wake up with head in the toilet. Phone rings. It's Stephen, asking if I made it home, if I feel okay and if I want him to come over. God no, I say. Don't want him to witness any more of this. Sweet, though.

22:00: Get up and have a glass of water.

23:00: Throw up water.

1:30: Friend texts me to say she's still drinking, and slowly dying.

5:00: I wake up. Guess I've had enough sleep. Check my emails. Have a horrible headache. Go back to bed.

9:15: Ahh, feel much better. Except for the feeling that I've done 500 sit-ups.

So unlike me. I went for one drink and all of a sudden, I realised I was drunk. I think I have some apologising, and perhaps some washing, to do today. Again, I am so embarrassed.

Love,

Mon xx

Yesterday my best friend back home sent me this text:

"Friends are the ones you don't have to speak to everyday, who understand why you didn't take their advice and the ones who call you at 4am to let you know they are drunk. Who tell you you are stunning even when you're crying and remind you that you can do better than the guy who doesn't treat you like a princess. They listen when they've heard the same story 1000 times, who call you to gossip about nothing and whether you're dancing on the table or passed out drunk they'll turn and say, 'Yeah, that's my friend'."

That made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, as I thought about my friends. I talk about them a lot on my blog, so maybe it's time I told you more about the lovely protagonists in my life.

Let's start with K. I met K a week after I landed here in May. She'd been here a month longer than me, so we were getting to know the place and helping each other settle in. Oh, she succeeded.

I had my first proper Berlin night out with her, and didn't get home until 6am. And I've blogged about that weekend, that started with her party. That was one hell of a weekend - we still refer to it as 'that mad weekend'. And she was here when the police came to shut down the party at my place. She's my co-saviour (Stephen is the other one) when I'm lost and need train directions, which still happens every now and then. But never, not once, did she complain about me being a directionless retard. When I was going through a really hard time one particular day, she called me and asked if I was at home. I was in bed, ignoring the world. When I told her I was in, she asked me to let her in, because she was downstairs. She came armed with the biggest bunch of flowers, one rose, Milka chocolate and the sweetest postcard, with encouraging words. She never tells me she's busy when I need to talk, even though she must be sometimes. She listened to my whining on a daily basis when I was locked in the bathroom at work crying because I was losing my mind, and called me after work to cheer me up and reassure me that it would be over soon - she even started a countdown. She taught me the best drinking game ever, one where not many people can remember the turnout - it's that good. She gives me thoughtful 'cheer up' gifts and tells me everything will be fine. She does give me advice, but she encourages me to do what I want to do, unless what I want to do is completely irrational - then she tells me so. She has great ideas: whether it's a pros and cons list, or a question that makes you think about the answer, she knows how to make you have a good time. And let's not forget the jokes. She knows the most awful jokes, which are so awful and cute you have to laugh your head off. There hasn't been one that wasn't hilarious. They're certain to lift up your spirits.

So here's to K *lifts up glass of water (I'm never drinking red wine again)* - one of the biggest reasons I'm glad I moved to Berlin. Love ya girlie!

(She taught me the choreography to this song, too.)

Lots of love,

Mon xx