A while ago Stephen wrote a post about our intention to try out lots of restaurants around the area where I live. Now let me tell you about my intention to avoid a couple.

No. 1: The Asian
Monday night, I go in to get some food to take out.
Asian dude: Oh, you the girl who live upstairs. We neighbours!
Me: Oh yeah, that's right.
AD: You sing in the house.
Shit.
Me: Oh, sorry, I didn't think you could hear me.
AD: No no, you have nice voice.
No I don't. Especially not when I'm singing at the top of my voice to some level my vocal chords can't reach.
AD: I new here. My dad owns this restaurant. I am his son. *smug smile*
Me: Oh, that's lovely. Great.
AD: You new here too?
Me: Kinda, I've been here five months.
AD: You from England?
Me: Yeah.
AD: How long to England?
Me: How long does it take to get there?
AD: Yeah yeah.
Me: About an hour and fourty minutes.
AD: By bus?
Me: No... by plane.
AD: Oh, and by bus?
Me: I don't know, I've only ever flown.
AD: And train?
Me: Again I don't know, planes are quick and cheap with Easyjet.
AD: *looks like he's thinking "what the hell is an Easyjet?"* Bus is cheaper. And train is nice.
Me: I bet it is.
AD: My friend here, we take train to England.
Me: Awesome, hope you enjoy it.
AD: You want to take this soup upstairs and bring the bowl down after?
Me: That'd be great.
AD: I take it to the door for you.
Me: Oh, you don't have to -
AD: No no, let me take it for you.
Me: Thank you so much.
AD: No problem. See you later girl from upstairs.
Not only do I need to find another place to get my fix of Asian food, I also have to move.

No. 2: The Food Hut
About an hour ago.
Me: Pommes mit mayo, bitte.
Crazy Food Man: *says something in German*
Me: *pretends it's not directed at me*
CFM: *repeats it*
Me: Um, Ich kann kein Deutsch.
CFM: Oh, English?
Me: Yeah...
CFM: But you not from England?
I give up.
Me: Yeah I am.
CFM: But not?
Me: Uh huh.
CFM: Not from Philippines?
What the...?!
Me: Er, no...
CFM: But the colour!
I'm not sure I want to eat these chips anymore.
Me: Yeah, I know, I look really Filipino.
CFM: You have problem?
Me: Me?
CFM: Yes, I have problem here *points to his back* And he do too *points to homeless looking dude* You?
Homeless looking dude: *waves*
Me: No, I don't have any problems.
CFM: Ahh, good. You good.
Me: I am.
CFM: No, I mean, you are good. Look. You look... good. Very lucky.
Me: Thanks, that's very kind of you.
CFM: *pervert smile* You're welcome. So you want ketchup, yes?
Me: Mayo please.
CFM: You live here?
Oh Jesus.
Me: No, I'm here on holiday. About to leave.
CFM: Ahh yes, Berlin is very good. England have money. You lots of money. You come with family?
Me: Um, no, just a friend.
CFM: Ahhh, friend! Yeaaah, I know friend. *makes heart gesture, nods and winks* No?
Me: *nervous laughter*
Really hope I don't catch crazy from these chips.
CFM: Ok my English girl, here chips for Madam.
Me: Dankeschön.
CFM: Come back! Bye bye!
Not if I can find another road to walk through to get to my destination.

As Austrian composer Franz von Suppè said, "You are crazy my child, you better go to Berlin!"

Love,

Mon xx